"I lost myself in a familiar song, I closed my eyes and I slipped away......"

Music has supreme sentimental value to me. A good melody can soothe me, a great bass line can make me want to shake my arse, and a killer set of lyrics can inspire me. I often times associate people with songs. When I hear this song I think about the person and I smile. I have a playlist with my favorite memories for when I'm feeling down. Tonight when driving home I heard a song that made me think about a Summer past.

When I hear anything from Akon's Knovict album or From Justin Timberlakes FutureSex/ LoveSounds album I think about Adam and Aaron and even though the 3 of us went completely separate ways I think about the beer pong, the late night heart to hearts, the "chips", the forehead kisses that drove me nuts and two guys who will forever be like little big brothers to me. They were my Vegas family =)

When I hear "Somebody To Love" by Queen I think of Micah. Our closing shifts had to include this!!! =)

When I hear Mr. Big "To Be With You" I think of Mel because she sang it with such conviction and her fist microphone is superior to anyone else that might try. I also think of her when I hear Journey and I wonder how the hell can she hate this stuff it's AMAZING!!!!! =)

When I hear Justin Timberlake "Rock Your Body" or any other of our clubbing songs I think about Steph and think about how we used to be animals. Geesh the late nights the working the next morning how the hell did we do it? That was another life it seems. But I love how this was just the start to our amazing friendship =)

When I hear anything by Creed I think about my baby brother. David was grossly obsessed with this horrid band after I told him they were cool (Yes it was way back when they were new) but he played them nonstop for about a day before I grew annoyed with them and I have never been able to listen to them again. David has since developed far better music taste!!! =)

When I hear "Yellow Submarine" and "Life Is A Highway" I think about Easton jumping on his bed yelling out the lyrics at the top of his lungs =)

When I hear my theme song "Here I Go Again" by Whitesnake I think about James and I love that I smoked him at jukebox challenge and how he said this was his theme song too. I also think about Mel and our joke about shakin' it on the hood of a sexy muscle car. But really the victory of the smile that most often goes along with this song is James....don't hate me Mel I like the victory aspect =)

When I hear "Heart Of Gold" I think of Ronnie and the amazing concerts we saw together. The Avett Brothers, Barenaked Ladies, Neil Young and Bob Dylan will always hold a special place in my heart =)

When I hear "Tears In Heaven" I think about Angela because this song makes us both cry....so sad!!!

When I hear the "Elephant Love Medley" from Moulin Rouge I think about Jenn.. Ms. Honey Bunny herself and our girls night. I loved that we both knew every word!! =)

When I hear "I Wish" I think about Jason and that one time in the back room at Jones and Badura. I let "I wish I was a little bit taller" just slide out and he finished the lyric....most amazing short moment for me ever because whenever I reach for something I sing this song in my head =)

When I hear "You've Lost That Loving Feeling" I think about my Keystone Starbucks family and how after watching Top Gun I decided to start belting this out. We used to sing and sing this song we even got a shhh from Stacia a time or two.

When I hear "Brown Eyed Girl" I think about Melissa and our high school and Johnny Rockets. Gosh Johnny Rockets we never paid there it was amazing how I learned the flirt with waiter bartender thing so early. =)

There are plenty of other memories to share and songs that make me smile or cry but that would be the longest list ever and it's late. =)

Hey wait that's my toy!

You love your toy it keeps you occupied in times of boredom. That is until you go to the park and well the slide is way cooler so you leave your toy laying by the tree. No you have no intention of leaving it there it's one of your favorites you just want to play over there for a second. So there you are running up the slide, swinging on the swings and climbing up that rock wall when you see something in the distance. For a second you question it maybe even doubt it. Then the certainty comes. There is another little kid playing with your toy!!! Sure you are having the time of your life and you thought the toy would just sit there until you decided to play with it again. The other kid is playing nice and not by any means hurting your toy but it bugs you that they want to play with your toy. You could play nice and let the kid play with it I mean what harm would that be you weren't interested in it at the moment and you know you just left it there shouldn't someone play with the toy? So you think for a moment and then you decide even though you were not sure what you wanted to do with the toy you don't want anyone else playing with it. You march your cute self over there and you let that kid know whats up you let them know that they can not play with your toy. The kid walks away in retreat surrendering any idea of the toy. You put down the toy and you go back to the rock wall, after all you didn't really want to play with the toy you just weren't ready to let someone else play with it.

Right now I feel like that poor toy. Left in the grass with odd claims about who gets to play with me...... Awesome feeling let me tell you ;)

Three Little Birds.

Sometimes in times of great distress Bob Marleys words bring great comfort. Those simple words "every little thing gonna be alright" hit the spot. I know it's a cliché thought that you are not given more than you can handle but I think there is great truth in this. Really whatever does not kill you will really make you stronger or at least give you some knowledge or lesson. I like to learn the hard way =) so sometimes the times get really tough feeling but it's alright. I do however want to know that in the end it will all be worth it. Can it please all be worth it? I mean that is my one undying hope that every lesson learned and trial thrown at me will be worth it in the end. =)

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It ALWAYS gets better......yes ALWAYS =)

I try to remain positive always not because I am naively ignoring reality but because really it is my experience that bad times do not last forever. Ok yes at times I go grrrr and at times the tears threaten to leak out of my eyes but I usually just vent it and get it over with. I do not stay mad for long I do not stay sad for long. Life is far too short to focus on negative. Sure at times I lose my zen and I have to vent and breathe and sometimes knock back a beer or two but eventually I realize how much more life rocks if you laugh off the bad and embrace the amazing.

I like to have fun and if you can creatively make things fun than why not? I never want to be stuffy and boring and if it happens trust me I will be the first to kick my own ass! This attitude is apparently not always welcome though. I am at constant odds with this women who I think is sincerely trying to be a role model or mentor, but instead of embracing my personality and rolling with it or laughing wants me to be serious all the time. Anyone that really knows me knows that I am serious all the time I just joke around and I flirt and I laugh and smile. I can be super serious and as people give me a chance and get to know me they understand my personality and can take me seriously and laugh with or even at me. Yes at times I am awkward about serious emotional situations but in private I will deal with them. I am someone that has helped many friends get through some serious hard times. I am always loyal and I have a great deal of compassion. I myself have dealt with immensely painful and deep things that I would wish on no one so I get it. I just hate to focus on things that can bring me down. Wallowing in self pity has never ever in my life helped me so I don't do it.

I consider myself a really lucky girl to have so many amazing people in my life =)If right this second I had to deal with the fact that I would never ever make another close friend in my life I would be fine with that. I highly doubt that as I make friends easily but I just have that many amazing people in my life. Man now I need to make time to hang out with all of them.

Even if everything in my life were to go to shit right this second I would be alright. I would remember that sometimes it is those challenging moments that define our character and teach us what we are made of and who we can turn to. Plus every time I reveal the slightest amount of negativity there is always someone or three or ten to point out that something is bothering me and it is good to know that I have places to turn. It is both the biggest curse and blessing that once people know me I am immensely easy to read I wear my heart on my sleeve and my emotions are written all over my face. Oh and biggest bonus I tend to be really open with people I trust so anyone can know what I am thinking they just have to ask.

I know that sometimes my optimism is unwanted and unappreciated so I don't force it on people. People cope different ways I appreciate that. But if they want someone to find the bright side to something I can usually help. Or I can lend them a soundtrack of reflective music. Sometimes music and laughter are amazing funk killers. =)

These are my go to feel better strum on my guitar or lay in bed in the dark or I just dance around to this feel better soundtrack ;)

Here I Go Again by Whitesnake
You Can't Always Get What You Want by The Rolling Stones
Wonderful World by James Morrison
Paranoia in B Major by The Avett Brothers
Bad Day performed by Alvin and The Chipmunks
Float by Flogging Molly
Three Little Birds by Bob Marley
I Believe in a Thing Called Love by The Darkness
Somebody to Love by Queen
Baby Got Back by Sir Mix-a-Lot
Yesterday, While My Guitar Gently Weeps, All You Need is Love, Help!, We Can Work it Out, Let it Be, I Will, and Yellow Submarine by The Beatles

Ok there are many more but for some reason or another all of these songs will either make me appreciate the good or laugh ridiculously at the memories they hold =)

Where was my warning that I was at "that" age?

I don't think that I have awkwardly giggled and shook my head in complete awe any more than in last 3 months. You see I am apparently at that age where a big chunk of the guys around me are thinking they want to settle it down. This seems great for them it excites me as most of them have been my friends for ages and I completely and utterly adore their friendship. Oh wait that's the problem some of them want to settle it down with me and "give us a go". To this idea I really just have no response for about 5 seconds when I pause to stop my first reaction which would be to slap them on the side of the head and say what the hell gave you that grand idea. Anyway after that little fantasy passes my head I do break it to them gently that it is not going to happen. The fact that I have to explain to them that they are like a brother to me is so trying when they look like someone just killed their puppy.

It's not my fault though I grew up around boys and I have just as easy a time being friends with them if not easier than being friends with a girl. It is what it is and if I never thought of a guy in the sense of liking him more than a friend then I am never going to see them as more than a friend. It can work the other way I mean if I am terribly attracted to a guy I can totally be his friend and if at some point they wanted to be more than friends I would give it a go but if I never had that attraction I can never make it happen.

After said conversation happens these boys have one of two options. 1.) They get it off their chest and take a little time to get over it and we can fall perfectly back into friendship. Although I will probably dress like a nun around them and refrain from giving intros to guys that I like for a while. But basically no harm no foul no mention. 2.) They can get mad at me for being a heartless bitch and refuse to talk to me or convince me that I am wrong in grossly vengeful ways. Man I love that when they have the inability to see that friendship chemistry is not always going to translate into romantic chemistry. It's even more awesome that our friendship meant maybe that little to you and there is no desire to try to get over this hiccup.

I guess in the end I kind of take it as a compliment even though it is a little awkward for me to think about when they decided they wanted to be more than friends. Like really how did they work that up? Do you think one morning they woke up and went hey Sarah she is pretty sweet, funny, witty and not hard on the eyes I think I should see if we can date? Oh or maybe they had an awkward steamy dream out of nowhere and went whoa I want to make that happen. Maybe they loved the fact that I am fun to be around but am amazingly chill about most things and the fact that my stress management skills are awe inspiring so add to that the fact that I am always there for a friend in need and offer a positive spin on anything and think wow I want that closer to me. But then I wonder if they always felt that way and feel a little bad for all the friendly flirting and talk of other boys they had to endure. I mean it is not in my nature to ever want to intentionally make someone feel bad or tortured nor would I ever want to rub anything in and make any situation worse. However my coworker pointed out yesterday that I very obviously flirt differently if I like someone. She had a damn decent comparison because I often friendly flirt with customers and mean nothing by it I am just being nice but then when someone that I like came in well she was all over pointing out the shift in mannerisms and expressions. Yes I can be easy to read.

Anyway I am just putting this out there and hoping that I am not met with anymore of this from dear friends. Please don't throw this on me. I can't handle it and the baseball player he handled it horribly and was mean so yeah. But I will be honest with anyone in any situation so I guess I am pretty safe to approach about this I don't have it in my heart to lead anyone on or take advantage of anyone in the least. Uhm and yes the baseball player is totally loaded so that was the biggest testament to the fact that I could NEVER be a gold digger I don't have the heart for it because I have a heart. Oh and anytime one of my guys wants a wingman I am on it I mean usually people call me Maverick but I can play Goose ;)

Baseball cards, bug and toy cars.....

As I was finishing up my run I saw a group of three little kids playing in this stream on the nature trail and it made me feel all nostalgic. It was 2 little boys and a little girl that were no older than 8 and I thought about the simplicity of childhood. I was always that girl that could be found outside playing in the dirt and hating dolls. So as I saw these kids poking around in that very unsanitary looking stream I thought about a childhood full of baseball cards bugs and toy cars. Oh how I always just wanted life to be about fun. I always wanted to be friends with the boys because they were way more fun and easy going and they were always outside what a win-win situation. Lucky for me I had four brothers and all the neighbor kids were boys so I grew up feeling far more comfortable hanging out with the boys skinning my knees and loving every second of it. But I feel that because I was always hanging with the boys and yes this continued for some time I somehow lost my thick skin when it came to "girl drama". You know that catty-ness and the constant backhanded compliments. Boys tease in a fun harmless kind of way and girls they go for the jugular they look for any minuscule insecurity and then they attack.....ok that is a dramatic interpretation. But somehow girls just know how to get ya where it hurts.

I try not to be sensitive about much but man when someone tells me they hate me because I look good in something I get a little hurt. Especially if it comes from a "close" friend who knows that you have worked your ass off to get a better body. But even worse that this I hate it when people take one of your positive traits and spin it in a negative light. For example (yes of course there is a great example) I got a performance review on Thursday and in it my boss put "Sarah has difficulty demonstrating her sincerity or rather her seriousness of topic sometimes appearing uncomfortable giving negative feedback or otherwise". I am at times a tad hard to read but when at work I am always coaching on the spot she even told me that she feels that I am the best at coaching and training and helping new partners because I always give direction and I am huge on giving a "why" too. But as she is my boss she is never really on the receiving end of my "direction" so eh. Ooh but the thing about her statement that really rubbed me the wrong way is that she said "difficulty demonstrating her sincerity or rather her seriousness of topic" uhm and it was on computer so if she decided to change her verbiage isn't that a quick fix??? Just back that cursor up but no now I am left with the idea that she perceives me as insincere... I have never had anyone question my sincerity. I at times make awful mistakes and decisions but my intentions are never in the wrong place and my concern for others is not insincere in the least. I am a people person and I care deeply for my the people that surround me. I do not say things that I do not mean and I am BRUTALLY honest at times so it really bugs me that she would think I am insincere. Then to add a little insult to injury she said that I probably have trouble delivering negative feedback because I like to always be happy. What is wrong with wanting to be happy all the time? Does anyone really ever wake up in the morning and think "god I want to be effing miserable today". No one thinks that I think that everyone would rather be happy and generally liked. I have smile written in eyeliner in the corner of my bathroom mirror so I like to think positive even when I am grumpy about being up early or when I have to deal with a boss who is obviously not my biggest fan. The rest of my review was really really good these were the only things that she could find fault in so I do a good job.

I guess it is really true that you can not win them all. I may never have a ton of really close girls around me. I have a small group that means a whole lot to me and I am lucky to have them in my life. I may always have to deal with haters and people that do not want to mesh with my personality. It's ok boys are more fun to hang out with sometimes anyway and for as girly as I have become over the years I am still low maintenance I can play sports, hike camp whatever you name it and I am game.....except take out the trash yuck ;)

If my life is going to resemble Cinderelly can I at least have a "Prince Charming"?

I want to say FML lately!!!! Grrr to work!!!! It is not that I hate my job by any means but good lord I am stuck with far too many closing shifts. I am sorry but flipping midnight is far to late to be stuck at a god damn coffee shop!!! I know that I bring on a certain amount of it by not being a princess about my availability but really it is so unfair. I have open availability to help the team but I constantly find myself taking one for the team and that is a really shitty feeling to have. Then to make it that much worse they keep messing with my days off the one little thing that I would like is 2 days off in a row it would be nice if they were always consistent but they rarely are and lately they are split and kind of a bad split and they you add stints with 9 days in a row and well shit I am just getting too old for the shit my sleep schedule is way messed up and it seems like ALL I do is work and work out. I like to be the over-achiever at work because I tend to be good at what I do but at what point will I decide that I can work and work and work and in the end it is just a job I should probably focus more on the many AMAZING people in my life. For instance I am avoiding my family this very moment because I simply do not have the energy to really deal with my family and the bickering that than ensues on holidays with the family....I don't know that I feel good about avoiding my family but really it is just hard to recover from family dinners these days and I do not feel like going through any of that and uhm the lecturing about eating habits and working too hard and yeah it is bull. Any way maybe I should put less time into work and work on mastering life. Although then that brings up a whole new question to ponder. Does one ever really get to have it all and master it? I sure wish that one day I get to master it all. Oh well in the mean time here I go working all these late night shifts which are really a waste of my talents and abilities except for I scrub some mean baseboards and drains. Which leads me back to this: If my life is going to resemble Cinderelly can I at least have a "Prince Charming"?